


The Valentine Crisis

by kurasuchi



Category: Gintama
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-15
Packaged: 2017-12-29 13:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurasuchi/pseuds/kurasuchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like many other girls during Valentines, Tsukuyo is on a mission to give chocolates to the people she knows. However, doing that is not easy with the harem and a lazy permed samurai being in the way. GintokixHarem, GintokixTsukuyo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Sudden Mission

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama. It is owned by the awesome Sorachi Hideaki-sensei, Sunrise and Shueisha.  
> Rating: T  
> Genre: Romance, Humor

The month of February brought a lot of problems to the girls.

Such is the thought of a certain Shinigami Dayuu as she strolled along the streets of the infamous red-light district, with a young boy following her shortly thereafter. Her kiseru still held firmly in her hands, she then took a puff of smoke and allowed herself to calm down for a little while. However, with all things considered, she was unable to contain her cool.

Ever since Yoshiwara was liberated from the rule of Housen, a lot of people moved to the district and decided to settle there. About one-fourth of the whole male population was now composed of the newly-moved residents, only to increase by each passing year. And with the opening of numerous establishments here and there, customs from the surface had only gone stronger than ever before.

And such a custom… was the giving of chocolates to the guys.

She had known for a very long time that it was a custom to give chocolates during Valentines. And even though she never knew the reason why they did that, she didn’t bother on knowing it as it was irrelevant to her own interests. Thus, she had spent all her days ignoring that said event every single year.

That is, with the exception of that one time when Kagura had gone to her place to ask help for giving her chocolate.

…Though she wouldn’t count it as one, given the fact that they have butchered the said custom by their crazy antics. Seriously, would smashing some choco onto the face of the guy whom you would give your chocolate to even count? Does coating one’s self in chocolate even count? Such things aren’t normal, though the word “normal” doesn’t exist in her dictionary anyway.

Heaving a deep sigh, she then looked at her younger companion in silence.

“Seita, let’s take a stop there, shall we?” she suggested, pointing out to a stall on their right. “I can buy you some chocolate if you want.”

Hearing this made the said young boy chirp up in response. “Really, Tsukuyo-nee? That’s great! Come on, let’s go!”

And without wasting another second, the two of them took a stop at some random stall in Yoshiwara. After ordering two sticks of dango and a couple of drinks, they then sat on a stool and ate in silence. That is… until Seita decided to break down the looming silence between them.

“Tsukuyo-nee, you’ve been acting weird since the other day. What’s wrong? Don’t you like Valentines?”

Tsukuyo just looked back at him with an unfazed expression. “What the hell are you talking about, Seita? Valentines is just like any other day of the year. There’s nothing special about it.”

“But don’t you have to give chocolates as well? I heard that every girl here in Japan gives chocolates to all the men they know. Shouldn’t you prepare for it as well? Valentines is tomorrow!”

“I don’t care,” she trailed off, sighing. “Why should I follow such a custom? Doing something like that is a waste of time. During the Valentine season, there is an increase on the number of visitors here in Yoshiwara. Love hotels are appearing like flies everywhere as well. I’m busy during these times of the year.”

‘And besides, giving chocolates is troublesome,’ she thought to herself.

“Eeh?! But didn’t you give chocolates to Gin-san last year? You even teamed up with Kagura-nee and Sacchan-nee!”

Tsukuyo became beet red upon hearing this. How come he knows about something like this? And it’s not last year, it happened back on 2011 in the anime! And in the manga, maybe the year before that! It’s already 2013, dammit!

“J-Just where the hell did you hear that, Seita?! I didn’t! I haven’t given any chocolates to anyone! Especially not to Gintoki!”

“Eeeeh?! But Kaa-chan said that you—”

“That’s nonsense! That’s absurd! Anyway, let’s drop the subject! Seita, once you’re finished eating we’ll go home at once!”

“What?! But it’s still early, Tsukuyo-nee! That’s unfair!”

Just as when Tsukuyo was about to give her reply, the shop owner decided to chirp into their conversation by presenting a book about chocolates right in front of the Shinigami Dayuu.

Tsukuyo couldn’t find the right words for this. “Y-You… what are you…?”

The middle-aged woman just smiled at her. “A young woman like you shouldn’t be too uptight on yourself, Tsukuyo-san. It’s Valentines tomorrow. You should act like girls your age.”

“I don’t consider myself as a woman anymore,” she replied. “I’ve thrown away my femininity ever since I swore to be the protector of Yoshiwara. I don’t have time for this nonsense.”

“You say so, but all of us knew that you don’t think like that anymore. That famous savior of Yoshiwara is the one you had set your eyes on, is it not? You should be making haste now since he’ll probably get loads of chocolate tomorrow!”

Tsukuyo just rolled her eyes at the notion. “Nah, he won’t. The chocolates he received before were from few to nil. There’s no way that’s ever gonna happen.” She then glared daggers at the two people in front of her. “And besides, why do you guys keep on mentioning Gintoki? There’s nothing like that between us!”

“B-But Tsukuyo-nee, aren’t you—”

“Seita, we’re going home! Now!”

And before Seita can even protest, she then dragged him back home at Hino-ya, with her never realizing the fact that she also carried the book with her.

**XOXOXOX**

Seita was worried. Tsukuyo-nee had been acting weird ever since this week, and she even became weirder at their conversation earlier. He didn’t say something which offended her, did he?

During the times when she took him for a walk, he noticed that Tsukuyo-nee kept on staring at chocolate shops with a longing expression on her face. That’s also the reason why he suggested that she should be preparing her chocolates for tomorrow as well. But for some reason, she kept on denying everything, even though she was too fidgety at the mention of the word “chocolate”.

Really, if that wasn’t called “acting weird”, then he wouldn’t know what it is.

“But Seita, it’s just normal for girls her age to be in denial about something like that. But she’ll come around sooner or later, right?”

Hearing this statement from his surrogate mother, Seita just stared at her in response. “But Kaa-chan, Tsukuyo-nee’s really been acting weird! Just today when we came to eat dango at some stall, when the shop owner told her to give chocolate to Gin-san, she just became all flushed and fidgety and irritated all of a sudden!”

Hinowa just smiled at this. “Oh, is that so? Well then, that’s good news.”

“What good news?! Aren’t you worried about Tsukuyo-nee?”

“Don’t worry, Seita,” she hushed the young boy. “Tsukuyo can handle it just fine. I just have the perfect plan… She wouldn’t mind some assistance, right?”

**XOXOXOX**

Footsteps can only be heard along the engawa as Tsukuyo walked briskly towards Hinowa’s room upon the latter’s request.

Tsukuyo was used on being called by Hinowa for urgent meetings, though she found it odd that she would still have to make the said meeting in private. Usually, when Hinowa wants to talk to her about something, she’ll say it immediately, with no more distractions. But this time though… was different.

Nevertheless, fretting about such matters didn’t help at all. And thus, when she slid the shoji open, the first thing that came out of her mouth was about the agenda of their meeting.

“It’s nothing important, Tsukuyo. There’s nothing to worry about,” replied the so-called ‘Sun of Yoshiwara’ with a huge smile on her face. Tsukuyo didn’t know why, but she felt that smile to be somehow unsettling…

She sighed. “Then, what is it, Hinowa? What is it that you want to tell me?”

“Come on, don’t be so uptight. Come over for some tea and we could have some girl-to-girl talk.”

Somehow, hearing those words made Tsukuyo anxious that she even thought of backing off. However, faced with Hinowa’s gentle smile, she was left with no other options but to comply.

She then took a seat on a zabuton and took a cup of tea. Taking a sip from it, she then looked at Hinowa in silence.

“Tsukuyo, what are your plans for this coming Valentines?”

And Tsukuyo spat the tea out of her mouth. Luckily, it didn’t hit Hinowa.

“V-Valentines?! H-Hinowa, what are you saying?! Don’t tell me you’re going along with their plan?”

“Hmm? What plan are you talking about?” she replied, smiling. “I have no idea on what you’re talking about.”

“Y-You know! That one! The plan about getting me and Gintoki together! Lately almost everyone here had been taking measures to hook the two of us up and it’s annoying me!”

“Hmm… I see. Still, you’d be more convincing if you weren’t acting so flustered and fidgety, you know.”

Tsukuyo took a few seconds to decipher what Hinowa had just said. What does she mean about that? She wasn’t acting all flustered and fidgety! She was just denying all kinds of allegations about her relationship with him, that’s all! As if she would come to like that lazy bum of a samurai!

Trying her best to calm down, she then heaved a deep sigh and took a sip out of her tea once again.

“So, how about it? What are you gonna do this Valentines?”

“Nothing,” Tsukuyo nonchalantly replied. “Just the usual routine, that’s all.”

“Going on patrol?”

“Yeah, exactly that. I won’t do anything else aside from that.”

“That’s great then!” chirped Hinowa. “I knew I can count on you!”

Hearing this made Tsukuyo even more anxious. “J-Just what do you mean by that, Hinowa? Don’t you mean…?”

The older woman just nodded her head. “Yeah. You’ll be giving out chocolates.”

Upon hearing such a notion, Tsukuyo immediately stood up and walked towards the shoji.

“W-Wait, Tsukuyo! I’m not finished yet!”

Tsukuyo just looked back at Hinowa in silence and took a puff out of her kiseru. “And that’s why I’m gonna leave first. I don’t wanna take part of this stupid tradition anymore. You won’t make me give chocolates to Gintoki, ever!”

“But I haven’t said anything about Gin-san, right?”

Tsukuyo blushed in embarrassment upon hearing this. Shaking her head out of such thoughts, she then sat on the zabuton once again.

“So… if it’s not that… then what do you want me to do? Why would I be giving out chocolates?”

“Well, do you know about the kinds of chocolate that most people on the surface give during Valentine’s Day?”

“What are you talking about, Hinowa? Of course I do. There’s milk chocolate, dark chocolate, chocolates in the shape of bars, hearts, homemade choco—”

“No, no, I don’t mean that. I mean, those are also kinds of chocolate, but what I refer to is different. Do you know about giri choco and honmei choco?”

“K-Krillin choco? Hinowa, there’s a chocolate based on Dragonball?”

“That’s different, Tsukuyo. And besides, my favorite character isn’t Krillin, it’s Yamcha.”

“But Bulma was already taken by Vegeta. I bet Yamcha was secretly plotting on killing Vegeta whenever he sees Trunks goof off around somewhere.”

Hinowa’s smile faltered a bit. “Tsukuyo, are you trying to divert our conversation here?”

“No, not at all. Just continue, Hinowa.”

“Well then, just as what I’m saying—on the surface there are three kinds of chocolate that girls usually give during Valentines. One of them is tomo choco, which girls give to other girls who are also their friends. Another kind of chocolate is giri choco, or obligatory chocolate. This is usually given by girls to almost all the men they know, whether they may be their boss, acquaintance or just a friend from work.”

Tsukuyo seemed a lot curious upon hearing this. “And what’s the third one, Hinowa?”

“The third kind of chocolate is honmei choco, which girls usually give to the guys they like. Honmei chocos are usually more extravagant than the rest.”

“So… what kind of choco would I give?”

“Of course, honmei—I mean… giri choco. You’ll be giving out giri choco to the guys we know. And I want you to give out chocolates as thanks for all the help they’ve given to Yoshiwara. After all, this district has become what it is now thanks to all their help, right? That’s why… I want you to give them chocolate as a token of gratitude. Of course, you’ll be giving it to them as a representative of Yoshiwara.”

Tsukuyo tried to weigh her options about the matter at hand. Sure, giving out giri choco doesn’t mean anything, but what would she do if someone interprets the fact that she’s giving out chocolate into something else? What if someone mistook giri choco into honmei choco? What kind of choco would she give Gintoki? And why the hell is she thinking of giving him anything anyway? Such thoughts flooded her mind right at that moment, and she didn’t know what to do.

“Tsukuyo? What do you think?”

She sighed.

As long as I give out choco in behalf of Yoshiwara, everything would turn out fine, I guess?

“Guess I have no other choice,” she replied, before taking a smoke out of her kiseru. “I’ll do just that, Hinowa.”

**XOXOXOX**

Tsukuyo cannot stop the nervousness that had been creeping out of her consciousness as soon as she arrived at the front door of the sweets shop that sells Valentine chocolates. She knew that there isn’t any reason for her to get nervous since she’ll only be distributing chocolate in behalf of Yoshiwara, but still, she cannot help but feel nervous all of a sudden.

Taking a deep breath, she then entered the establishment and ordered for chocolates.

“Oh? Tsukki! You’ve come back! So, how did it go with the Yorozuya? Did you give them the chocolate?”

Much to her surprise, the old man who also sold them some chocolate years ago was still the same one who greeted her upon entering the establishment. However, what irritated her was the fact that he just called her “Tsukki” as if he knew her all too well.

“That’s none of your business! And don’t you dare call me Tsukki goddammit! And how did you know about that anyway?!”

“What are you talking about? Of course I know all about it! After all, I’m the one who wrote it on that big chocolate heart last time! Check it out on Lesson 295!”

Tsukuyo heaved a sigh. Arguing about this matter was pointless, since it seems like the old man had an exceptional memory that he even remembered such a thing from a few years back.

“Anyway, on to business. I’m here to buy some chocolates, and—”

“You want to give out chocolates, right? Then why don’t you give them handmade chocolates? It’s better to give them handmade than commercial ones!”

Hearing that voice out of nowhere, Tsukuyo then looked behind her and found a middle-aged woman who now gave her a pamphlet.

“S-Shouko-san!”

“Hello to you, darling. I’ve come to take one of your customers to my school, that’s okay with you, right?”

“O-Of course! Just do as you please!”

From their conversation, Tsukuyo deduced that the woman named Shouko was the sweet shop owner’s wife. However, she shrugged that thought off as soon as she looked at the pamphlet on her hands.

Tsukuyo couldn’t believe her eyes. “Chocolate-making class? For free…?”

“Yeah,” agreed the said woman. “It’s all free. Do you wanna enroll?”

Everything looked so good to be true, she told herself. Still, she believed that it was good manners to accept the offer, especially if the woman was actually being persistent about it. Sighing to herself, she then agreed.

Well, it’s better to be more economical, I guess.

**XOXOXOX**

And so as soon as she agreed to it, Shouko-san then led Tsukuyo to the hall where she’ll be holding her chocolate-making class. And as they were walking down the hallway, the woman then asked Tsukuyo if she’s going to give her chocolate to someone important.

What pissed her off though was the fact that as soon as she had mentioned that, the image of Sakata Gintoki immediately came to mind.

“N-No! It’s not like that at all. I was just… yeah, I was just asked to give giri choco on behalf of Yoshiwara! It’s not like I was trying to give chocolate to anyone at all!”

The woman just laughed at this. “Okay then. It’s sure good to be young. You youngsters are all so cute while in denial. Oh, that’s right, your classmates are all enthusiastic young people as well. I’m sure you’re gonna get along well.”

“I hope so too,” replied Tsukuyo. She felt a little bit anxious when the woman said ‘enthusiastic’, though she just reasoned out to herself that there’s no way that they would attend such a class.

…But such thoughts were thrown out of the window as soon as she saw who her classmates are.

“Ara! Tsukuyo-san! You’re attending this class as well? What a coincidence! Right, Kyuu-chan?”

“That’s right Tae-chan. I never thought that this class would be full of people we knew.”

“Aaaah! Tsukki! You’re here! I was wondering if you’re gonna be giving Gin-chan and Shinpachi chocolates again so I went to that store but somehow I was dragged into here and—”

“Wait a sec! Kagura-chan! What do you mean by that?! You mean Tsukki has been giving Gin-san chocolates?! I won’t allow this! I won’t allow this travesty!”

“Welcome to the class, Tsukuyo-sama. I am here as per Otose-sama’s instructions to instruct this class on making chocolates.”

“Oi, Tama. Stop doing that and just do your work. And you, Tsukuyo, should go to your seat now. You’ll be attending this class, right? I’m going to start my lessons soon, so it’s best for you to do as I say.”

“Otose-san, do I really have to stay outside? A cute cat girl like me should be making chocolates as well!”

Tsukuyo cannot believe her eyes. Almost every single idiotic woman that she knew gathered into one place… and as her classmates no less! No matter what she does, she cannot believe it.

“Ugh.. I think I’m hallucinating.”

The woman beside Tsukuyo can only smile at her. “You’re not hallucinating at all, Tsukuyo-san. This is reality. They’re quite an interesting and enthusiastic young bunch, aren’t they? They’re so lively!”

“No, they’re more than lively! They’re beasts! It’ll be chaotic if they’re gathered into one place! And besides, I thought you’ll be the one to teach us!”

“Me? That’s nonsense. I’m just a recruiter for more students, that’s all.”

Tsukuyo was dumbfounded upon hearing this. Forget about giving chocolates, how is she going to make them if she’s with those ridiculous idiots?!

“And oh, I heard that they are going to have a lot of teachers for this class, so better be prepared!”

She can only flinch at this notion. She can only hope that the teachers would be different from what she had expected.

And just as when Tsukuyo was about to go to her designated place, she then noticed Shimura Tae approach Shouko-san.

“Sensei, look at my chocolate! It looks delicious, isn’t it?”

Tsukuyo almost fainted at the sight of the chocolate atop of Otae’s hands. That’s the… infamous dark matter, isn’t it? So she even burned the chocolate?!

“Oh, it looks great! Let me taste it, Otae-chan!”

Just what the hell is wrong with your eyes? It doesn’t look great at all!

And before Tsukuyo can even say anything, Shouko-san already took a bite out of Otae’s chocolate… and as soon as she tasted it…

…She fainted.

The whole class screamed in unison.

“S-SENSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!”


	2. The Tales of Kitchenland

Valentine’s Day is the day that most men in the whole country had been waiting for—different kinds of chocolates from all directions, all depicted with different meanings, with each piece carrying a tiny shred of hope that there is some love mixed with it. Truly, whenever the 14th day of February comes, everyone in the whole country just gets riled up.

…And the people of Edo are no exception.

In Kabuki-chou, one of the rowdiest districts in Edo, men are getting excited at the thought of getting chocolate from their respective crushes. All of them expect that they’ll get honmei choco, or at least, even giri choco… but there are others who receive none at all.

And as for the two people who now stood in front of a door which would obviously lead to the absolute path to destruction, they obviously belong to the latter.

That is, those people who receive none at all.

Well, actually, they received four chocolates the last time that the gorilla had made a Valentines-centered chapter. But that really didn’t count, since those chocolates are for two persons and was butchered by a gluttonous Yato as well. And last year was… well, what could they ever say?

“Pattsuan, make sure that your mind is all up and ready to go. We’re going for the kill.”

Hearing this from the silver-haired man in front of him, the glasses wearing the man named Shinpachi can only heave a deep sigh.

“But Gin-san, are you really sure this is going to work?”

The silver-haired man, who was referred to as Gin-san, looked at Shinpachi at the corner of his eye.

“Just trust me in this, Pattsuan. I’m sure this will work. No—I’m certain that this will work.”

The bespectacled boy just eyed him with uncertainty. “Are you really sure? It’s not like I’m against this idea or anything, it’s just that… I think this isn’t really going to work..”

Faced with that kind or reply from his companion, Gintoki can only sigh in exasperation. “Your indecisiveness is the reason why you’re still a cherry boy at this age, Shinpachi-kun. You know, men should always learn how to take risks. If you aren’t taking any risks, then you’re just as worth as a 300 yen coin found beneath the vending machine.”

“No, I’m not being indecisive, Gin-san. And besides, doesn’t that apply to you as well?! You’re a cherry boy through and through! And that analogy doesn’t even match!”

Before Shinpachi can even add more words to his already excessively long tsukkomi, Gintoki’s hand had already found its way atop the younger man’s head, greeting it with a swift karate chop.

“YOU BIG IDIOT!!”

“O-OUCH, THAT HURTS! Gin-san, what the hell is that for?! You don’t have to hit me to get your point across, dammit!”

Gintoki heaved a deep sigh before looking at the young man before him. He then crossed his arms on his chest and faced him with a serious look on his face.

“Listen to me, Shinpachi. Do you know how I ranked at that Recochoku Valentine poll for the last two years?”

“R-Recochoku Valentine poll? What are you talking about, Gin-san? Of course I know that! Everyone knows that, you don’t have to flaunt it to my face!”

“That’s right. For these past two consecutive years, I was the one who ranked first in the ‘Recochoku Valentine Anime Character Survey: Anime Characters I Want to Give Chocolates’ poll that those 3DPD girls had conducted. But despite that fact… just look at what happened last year and the year before that! Where the hell are our chocolates?!”

Shinpachi was dumbfounded at this. He never thought about that fact, but he cannot help but to agree with his reasoning. If Gin-san was the one who always ranked first, then why doesn’t he receive any chocolates? Why is Gin-san so desperate to have chocolates this year despite the fact that he should be bathing in a sea of chocolates right now?

“G-Gin-san… you mean… someone had taken steps in order to prevent those chocolates from being sent to you?”

Gintoki only smirked in response. “Most likely, yes. And if I were to think about this logically, there can only be one suspect.”

“Eh? Then… who is it? You should be taking actions about this matter, Gin-san! You shouldn’t overlook this!”

“Like hell I am overlooking this! I am taking actions by my own hands, Pattsuan! I am doing something!”

“Then if you’re doing something then why aren’t you getting anything?!”

At that moment, Gintoki then grabbed a volume of Weekly Shounen Jump from who-knows-where and flipped over the page wherein the mangaka of each series post their comments: the Weekly Jump Table of Contents Page.

“That’s the… that’s the Weekly ToC! Why are you showing that to me, Gin-san? I don’t get what you’re saying!”

“You big idiot! You still don’t get my point? Just read the damn comment, specifically on the Gintama corner—that gorilla’s comment!”

Adjusting his glasses, Shinpachi then looked closer at the page and read the said comment out loud.

“I received Valentine chocolates. Thanks for letting me fall into a delusion that old guys are popular too— EEEEEEEHHH?!”

“You get it now, Shinpachi? The culprit is no other than… is no other than that gorilla mangaka of Gintama! He and his staff are the ones who eat my Valentine chocolates! They make themselves feel good by thinking, ‘Ooooh, I’m so popular that I even got lots of choco this Valentines!’ kind of thing! And they don’t even leave me some chocolate!”

“But Gin-san, we are 2D so we can’t actually—”

“SHUT UP! In this world there is no 2D or 3D! 2.5D people exist! And have you forgotten that live-action sequence that Sunrise did? Whether I may be 2D or 3D, all the girls love me!”

Shinpachi can only look at him disgustingly. He didn’t have to show off to him, seriously!

Gintoki sighed. “And look at what I have now… since I don’t receive any chocolate—even though I should be having a lot of sugar during this time of the year—I can only rely on those girls to leave me some! Don’t you feel the same? Don’t you think that there are also 3DPD girls who like a disgusting plain cherry boy like you whose only redeeming feature is his glasses?”

“Who’s a disgusting plain cherry boy whose only redeeming feature is his glasses?! You damned lazy perm-haired samurai bastard!”

“Shut up! That’s why I can only do this kind of thing. We have no other choice. Pattsuan, don’t you want to receive chocolates this year?”

“I do want to receive chocolates this year, Gin-san.”

“Right. That’s why… you better get ready.”

And with that sentence, the two young men strengthened their resolve as they waited to be called out from the other side of the door.

**XOXOXOX**

Tsukuyo was at a loss. She didn’t know how to react to everything. The chocolate-making session that she thought that will end up being normal… ended up being exactly the opposite.

Somehow, she ended up being classmates with Shimura Tae, Yagyuu Kyuubei, Kagura and Sarutobi Ayame in this chocolate-making session. She supposed that the old woman named Otose was the one who’s gonna be teaching them since Shouko-san was currently incapacitated, and even though Tama, the robot girl of Snack Otose as well as Catherine, the monster girl of the said establishment were also there, she supposed that they only accompanied the older woman. Either way, those two didn’t look like they’re taking the lessons, since they just stood there at the corner, waiting for the elderly woman’s instructions.

“Okay then, now that everything’s been settled, let us proceed with the lesson proper. Everyone, make sure that you have your ingredients and materials ready!”

“Okay~!” said the class in unison.

“Alright then! Let us start the lesson!” exclaimed Otose, as she then went over to the corner as if she’s anticipating another person’s arrival.

“Uh… why are you moving away, Otose-san?” asked Otae, noticing the unusual position that the older woman had made. “Aren’t you going to teach us how to make chocolates?”

“What? I’m not the one who’s going to teach you! I’m just a recruiter! There’s someone else! There’s someone else who’s gonna teach you how to make chocolates!”

Sacchan shook her head. “No! I can’t accept this! I can’t accept anyone other than Okaa-san to teach us on making chocolates!”

“Who the hell’s your okaa-san?! I’m not your okaa-san, dammit!”

“But you are my okaa-san! Since I’m going to be Gin-san’s wife, then it is only logical that you, his mother, should be—”

“Oi, oi, since when did I ever have a son as wretched as him?! Don’t go making stories you shithead!”

Puffing out some smoke out of her kiseru, Tsukuyo only chuckled at the purple-haired assassin’s antics, which was easily noticed by the latter. “Your obsession towards Gintoki never fails to amaze me, Sarutobi. You really amuse me all the time.”

“What the hell is that?!” screeched the bespectacled kunoichi. “I heard you, Tsukki! What do you mean by amusing you, huh? Just so you know, my love for Gin-san is far more greater than yours!”

“Who the hell said that I love that lazy permhead?! Are you damn blind?!”

“You’re the one who’s damn blind! I saw you making some moves on my beloved Gin-san! Don’t you even try to deny it!”

“Are you damn crazy?! Why am I going to make a move on him? If anything, he’s the one who should be—”

Seeing the commotion right in front of her, Otose harrumphed and yet no one even reacted. They were still doing the things that they’ve been doing before: Otae and Kyuubei were still chatting, Kagura was still picking her nose, and Sacchan and Tsukuyo were still arguing over that lazy permhead. Realizing that they will never listen to her at this rate, she then moved towards the door and told the teachers to enter the room.

“Well, here are your teachers for today,” said Otose as she made room for the two new teachers to take the space at the center aisle. She then looked at the older one among the two and eyed him with a serious look on her face. “You better make this a success. You still promised to pay the rent.”

The man only smiled at this. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry, old hag. I’ll do just fine.”

Taking a deep breath, the older man then looked in front of him and stared at his students with his dead fish-like eyes.

“Oi, cut that crap out. We’re about to start the lesson, you bastards.”

With that sudden statement, the girls then stopped on their tracks and looked at the two men right in front of them.

One of them was a young man in his teens who had his hair gelled up. He wore plain glasses despite the fact that his clothes were that of a rock star, complete with an electric guitar in his hands as an accessory.

On the other hand, the other one was a silver-haired man with a cigarette on his mouth (which he claims to be candy since it is lollied) who wore a blue polo shirt with a yellow necktie, complete with a white vest. Still looking at them with a bored expression, he then picked his nose and continued on staring at them.

“G-Gin-san! At last, you’ve come to me at last!” exclaimed Sacchan as she immediately went to glomp Gintoki without much a second thought. And the latter didn’t waste a second either, since he swatted off the kunoichi out of his reach, much to the former’s delight.

“Who are you referring to as Gin-san, you bitch! I’m not Gin-san! In here I am Ginpachi-sensei! Respect the authorities properly!”

“Ah, Gin-san~ you really love to be strict on me… Come on… punish me.. punish me please~!”

“Like hell I would! You’re disgusting, get the hell off of me!”

“Gin-san~!”

And as the two adults continued their S&M play, Kagura then walked towards the two men in front and grabbed their heads, her murderous aura permeating throughout the whole room.

“Gin-chan, Shinpachi, why are you here?!” she asked, grinding the sukonbu that was stuck on her mouth. “You’re trying to leave me out, eh? So that’s why when I asked the two of you on what you’ll be doing for today, you’ve purposely told me something else! You bastards!”

Both men trembled in fear. “K-Kagura-chan, i-it’s not like we’re hiding it from you or anything.. it’s more of a surprise for you… right, S-Shinpachi?”

“T-That’s right, Gin-san,” agreed Shinpachi. “This is our gift for you, so you shouldn’t be too angry at us, K-Kagura-chan..”

“You liars! You just want to hog off the chocolate all by yourselves! You bastards should’ve just—”

“Kagura, stop that.”

Hearing that sudden voice behind her, Kagura immediately looked behind, only to find the Shinigami Dayuu beside her.

Her arms crossed on her chest as she took a smoke, Tsukuyo then looked suspiciously at the silver-haired man in front of her. “And tell me, Gintoki. Why are you guys dressed like that? Are you really going to teach us how to make chocolates, even at that level?”

“Oi, oi. What do you mean ‘even at that level’, huh? You lookin’ down on us, huh?!”

Despite Gintoki’s complaints, Tsukuyo just shrugged it off and walked towards her space, dragging the still-enraged Kagura along with her. The only thing that the silver-haired samurai got as a reply was the kunai that somehow got itself on his forehead.

Kyuubei then cleared her throat in order to get Gintoki’s attention. “Well then sensei,” she started, playing along with their antics of being today’s teachers. “Since you’ve arrived and everything, you should properly introduce yourselves to us.”

Noticing this, Gintoki then heaved a deep sigh and dragged his hand onto his already messy permed hair.

“Alright. Everyone, since you’re all so persistent, allow us to introduce ourselves. We’ll be your teachers for today. My name’s Sakata Gintoki, though from now on you’re gonna call me Ginpachi-sensei—”

“Ginpachi-sensei my ass! Gin-chan, don’t forget that I’m still—”

“—And this guy here is the glasses,” continued Gintoki, pointing out to the other young man beside him. “That’s all.”

“What do you mean that’s all?! Aren’t you going to add anything else, like ‘Shimura Shinpachi’ or something? At least add something to my description!”

“But Pattsuan, I’ve already said everything that could be said about you!”

“What do you mean that you’ve already said everything that could be said about me?! Are you trying to say that the only thing that could be said about me is my glasses?!” he ranted, before trying to calm himself as he cleared his throat in order to prepare himself for his introduction. “Well anyway, forget what he said. My name is Shimura Shinpachi, but from now on I’ll be known as Inaba Koshi, and as you can see I am—”

Before he can even finish his introduction, he then found himself being grabbed on the head by no other than his own sister, Shimura Tae, as she looked at him with menacing eyes.

He gulped. “A-Aneue!”

“Just what the hell are you trying to do here, Shin-chan? Are you trying to impersonate Inaba-sama? Just what do you think you are, some kind of rock star? Are you trying to become a part of B’z, huh?!”

“C-Calm down, Aneue! I know that you’re a fan of B’z, but I am—”

“Shut up! Or else I’ll really show you my Mienai Chikara ~Invisible One~/move!”

“You’ve already shown me your invisible powers! It’s already visible now! It’s not invisible anymore! We’ve already got a Bad Communication!”

“Stop that, you two,” intercepted Ginpachi as he looked at the young Yagyuu on the first row. “Kyuubei-kun, put Otae-san on a leash. And Pattsuan, no—Inaba-kun, get yourself ready as well.”

And as the two complied with his instructions, Ginpachi tried to start the class off by saying something, until his eyes caught sight of something weird at the far end of the room.

“Oi, what’s that thing over there?” he asked, as he walked towards it in order to look at it closely. “Oi, oi… what the hell is this?! Is this a corpse?!”

In front of him was the unconscious body of Shouko-san, who was now lying atop a long wooden box with flowers on her hands. And the way they’ve placed her atop of it is akin to a… dead person who was inside a coffin.

Shinpachi, upon seeing this, panicked as well. “Aaaaaah! What the hell is this?! Is this person still alive? Is she still breathing?!”

“Ara, Shin-chan, Gin-san! Don’t disturb sensei’s sleep! Can’t you see that she’s having the time of her life?!”

“But aneue, it’s nothing like that at all!” snapped Shinpachi as he glared daggers at Otae. “I can’t see anything about her having the time of her life! I can only see her having the time of her death!”

Taking Otae’s explanation as a fact, Ginpachi only nodded his head and walked towards the front in order to start the class. Taking a deep breath, he then called for Tama in order to assist him.

“Okay then, you bastards,” he started, with his voice sounding as bored as ever. “This time, in order to start making your chocolates, you have to make sure that you have all of your materials and ingredients ready first. Everyone, check your table if you have everything ready.”

Kagura raised her hand. “Sensei, I have a problem.”

“What is it, Kagura? What’s your problem?”

“I have no more chocolates left. Buy me some.”

Hearing this from the youngest Yorozuya, Ginpachi then looked at her table, only to find out that there were no more chocolates in there anymore.

“Of course there will be none of it left!” exclaimed Shinpachi as he pointed to Kagura. “You’ve already eaten everything! Just look at those traces of chocolate near your mouth!”

Ginpachi, on the other hand, just shrugged it off. “Then get some chocolates outside, Kagura. You can use mud as a substitute. You have an infinite supply outside.”

“But sensei, mud isn’t tasty—”

“Ah, just shut up,” he replied, before looking at the majority of his class. “Anyway, as long as you’ve determined that you have everything ready, then you can start on making the chocolate. Tama, the table is now yours.”

“Understood, Gintoki-sama. I now declare this table to be one of my personal property.”

“No, it’s not like that! It’s just a figure of speech! An idiomatic expression! You don’t have to take it literally!”

“Understood. Processing Gintoki-sama’s earlier sentence: I should not be taking everything that he says seriously is now added to my data.”

“That’s right! That’s why you should start now!”

“Understood,” she affirmed, and looked at the women in front of her. She then took a bar of chocolate and broke it into little pieces. After breaking the chocolate into pieces, she then grabbed the chocolate and placed everything on her mouth.

Her eyes turned blank and a red light shone from it. “Initializing: Internal heater. Heat this chocolate for five minutes.”

Nodding his head in agreement, Gintoki then pointed to the green-haired android and looked at his students. “Well then, I’m sure you’ve seen what she did. Now follow the same thing.”

“No, it’s impossible, Gin-san!” exclaimed Shinpachi. “Tama-san’s a robot! They can’t actually copy what she just did!”

“They can do it, Pattsuan. Everyone has an internal heater in their hearts.”

“That’s just you!”

Kagura then raised her hand as she tried to gobble up the chocolate inside her mouth. “S-Sensei! I did what she just did but my chocolates didn’t melt inside my mouth! They disappeared!”

“That’s because you’ve eaten them, Kagura-chan! Of course it’ll disappear if you’ve eaten them!”

“Shut up, Shinpachi! You’re just jealous since you won’t be able to get any chocolates this year!”

“W-What the hell did you just say?! Oi, repeat that! I order you to repeat that!”

Gintoki then tried to make Shinpachi shut up by whacking him on the head. And fortunately, it did help, since he immediately became quiet once he did that. He then tried to set back the mood by clearing his throat.

“To those who cannot copy what Tama had just done, we have another way to do it. First, you should break down the chocolate into tiny little pieces. And after that, you should place those broken chocolates inside a bowl. Put the said bowl inside another pot of boiling water in order to melt the chocolate.”

Tama then did what Gintoki had just said. After melting the chocolate for a few minutes, he then asked her to stop for a little bit.

“So, do you have any more questions before we proceed?”

“Sensei, why do we melt the chocolate?” asked Otae. “I thought we’re going to make the chocolate from scratch!”

Gintoki just sighed at this. “Seriously.. You know, with your current skills, do you even think that you could make chocolate from scratch?! Dream on! You’ll probably butcher it up, so it’s safer if you just melt the chocolate!”

He then found himself hit by a geta thrown away by the resident gorilla woman.

He wiped off the blood that trickled down his face which resulted from being hit with a geta earlier. “You probably didn’t know this, but we don’t melt the chocolate directly under the heat because if we did, we may burn the chocolate. So, we should just heat it by immersing it under boiling water. That way, the chocolate would just melt and won’t burn.” He then scratched his silver hair as he grumbled in annoyance. “Okay then, so to continue, once you have melted the chocolate, take it off the boiling water and look for the molder you have on your table.”

The girls then followed suit and looked for the chocolate mold that they have on their table.

“You can use any kind of mold you wanted to use. Well, you can also add melted candies to your chocolate for variety—though you can add anything you like if you really wanted to. Uniqueness is the key here, though just don’t make up too many weird ideas or else your chocolates will turn out bad..”

Kagura raised her hand. “Sensei! Sacchan’s chocolate stinks!”

“Eh? What is it again, you damn punk?” he asked Sacchan as he looked at her chocolate and examined it carefully. And as soon as he got closer to the said chocolate, he could not help but to cover his nose in order to prevent himself from smelling the bad odor that is being emitted by her chocolates.

“Sensei~ I’m going to give you these chocolates, so please be patient okay~?”

Gintoki grumbled in disgust. “J-Just the heck is this? Is this… is this natto?!”

Sacchan then revealed the bowl of natto on her hands as she continued on stirring it with her chopsticks. “Sensei, you’re such a naughty man! I told you to wait for my chocolates! Now you already know what your special chocolates are~!” She then tried to force-feed Gintoki with the said food. “Gin-san~ you have to take this as pu~nish~ment~!”

“Get the hell off me!” exclaimed Gintoki as he swatted the bowl of natto away from him. Unfortunately, as he swatted it off, it fell over the Shinigami Dayuu’s table and Tsukuyo became covered in natto.

Tsukuyo gritted her teeth in anger as she tried to take the natto off of her. “Y-You bastards…” she growled as she seethed in fury. “Just what the hell have you done to me?!”

“T-Tsukuyo, it was an accident, I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to—”

“Oh! It seems like divine punishment, Tsukki! You’ve been covered by natto as a punishment for stealing Gin-san away from me!”

But all of their attempts to ease her anger were in vain as Tsukuyo had already thrown her kunais towards their direction. However, all of those only hit Gintoki.

“Why me?!” screeched Gintoki as he nursed his bleeding head. “Do you have some kind of grudge towards me?!”

Tsukuyo just shrugged him off as she continued to make her Valentine chocolates. On the other hand, Gintoki then removed the kunais one by one until he caught sight of Shimura Tae’s predicament.

“Oi, Shimura-kun,” he asked as he walked towards her table. “Why aren’t you doing anything?”

Otae looked up at him and just faced him with a smile. “Sensei, I don’t have any chocolate mold here with me. Is it okay if I just improvise?”

Gintoki wondered for a bit on what she meant by improvising it but shrugged the thought off anyway. “Okay then, suit yourself.”

“That’s great! Thank you, sensei!” she chirped as she stomped her foot onto the floor, only to reveal her ever-faithful stalker and Shinsengumi Commander, Kondou Isao who now screamed in pain as his balls were being crushed by no other than his crush.

“Aaaaah~! Otae-san! Ai no mama ni wagamama ni, kimi dake wo kizutsukenai—”

Otae stomped her foot on his face. “Damn you! Don’t you ever say anything B’z related! I’m gonna kill you, you freakin’ gorilla!”

“Love is as selfish as it is, you’re the only one I would not hurt, Otae-san!”

Otae just ignored Kondou, despite the fact that she was already furious at him for spouting off the song titles of her favorite band. She then looked at Gintoki.

“Sensei, if I’m going to use this human mold… it’s okay, right?”

“There’s no friggin’ way that would be okay!” exclaimed Shinpachi as he pointed out to the gorilla stalker on the floor. “What do you mean by human mold?! Are you going to use Kondou-san as a chocolate mold?!”

Gintoki just scratched his head in annoyance. “Human molds or gorilla molds… suit yourself. Just don’t blame me if your chocolate gets bad after that.”

Taking that as an approval, Otae then wasted no more time as she immediately forced the gorilla commander to eat the dark matter (a.k.a. chocolate) that she had just heated a while ago. And as soon as she did that, Kondou Isao had lost consciousness, with his eyes all blank and open.

“Oh my, it seems that Kondou-san loved my chocolates so much that he even fainted from happiness! Though I don’t have any more chocolates left! How could I use him as a mold if I don’t have enough chocolates?”

“Don’t worry, Tae-chan,” said Kyuubei from behind as she placed her hand atop Otae’s shoulder. “I’ll be the one to supply your chocolate.”

“Kyuu-chan… thank you. But.. how are you going to do that?”

Faced with that question, Kyuubei just smirked in response as she brought her fingers to her mouth and whistled loudly. And as soon as she did that, a monkey had suddenly appeared on her shoulders.

“Jugem-Jugem Shit-Tossing The Life Of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear Balmunk Fezalion Isaac Schneider 1/3True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish This Is a Different Dogfish, I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark Kaluga Angler Ray Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe All's Well That Ends Well Bichigusomaru will be the one to supply the chocolate. I’m sure he’ll be happy to comply with it.”

Otae clasped her hands in delight. “That’s a great idea, Kyuu-chan! Now we don’t have to worry about the supply of chocolates since Jugem-Jugem Shit-Tossing The Life Of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear Balmunk Fezalion Isaac Schneider 1/3True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish This Is a Different Dogfish, I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark Kaluga Angler Ray Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe All's Well That Ends Well Bichigusomaru will provide us with an infinite supply!”

“Oiiiiiiiiiiiii! Just what the hell do you mean by that!? Are you planning to use that as a replacement for chocolate?!” exclaimed Shinpachi. “Are you trying to cover this whole room with shit?! And how are we supposed to make chocolates here if shit was all over the place! And what do you mean by that anyway?! Are you going to cover Kondou-san with shit?!”

“That’s right!” agreed Gintoki. “I don’t care what you do to the gorilla, but don’t desecrate my chocolates by that monkey’s poop!”

However, despite their complaints, the two women continued on their tracks as they covered Kondou Isao with poop.

Kyuubei then looked at her childhood friend. “Tae-chan, it stinks in here. Do you think that…?”

“Of course it will stink! You’ve covered Kondou-san with poop!” shrieked Shinpachi.

Otae just tore her gaze away from her dramatically. “I don’t know, Kyuu-chan. But if this chocolate was the one that stinks, I think we should just give it to those people who need it really badly.”

“What do you mean ‘to those people who need it really badly’, aneue?! Have you lost your mind?”

Without much of a second thought, the two women then threw the shit-covered Kondou Isao out of the window.

“OIIIIIIIIIIIII! JUST WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO WITH KONDOU-SAN?! DID YOU JUST THROW HIM OUT LIKE GARBAGE? HE’LL DIE! THIS IS THE FIFTH FLOOR! HE’LL DIE IF HE FALLS DOWN THERE!”

Otae just smiled at him. “Don’t worry, Shin-chan. Kondou-san had already sunk low. He’s already at the lowest of the low.”

“No, I don’t mean that! I don’t mean it that way! I meant it literally! Though it will be both literally and figuratively from the way it is now!”

Shinpachi was about to rant off some more until he noticed that two men had opened the door, much to his surprise. Everyone also stopped on their tracks as they stared at the two.

“Oi, oi.. Just when I thought that this room is a hiding place for those Joui bastards… turns out that only a bunch of idiots are in here.”

“Don’t worry, Hijikata-san. It seems that they’re busy with something. And if you’re talking about those Joui bastards, we’ve got one right here.”

“Oh, that’s right. I completely forgot about it, Sougo. I forgot that we have the legendary Shiroyasha-sama in this room. My bad, my bad.”

Shinpachi gulped in response as soon as he saw the two Shinsengumi right in front of them. With the Shinsengumi’s Oni no Fukuchou Hijikata Toushirou and the First Division Captain Okita Sougo in this very room, God knows what would happen. And if Hijikata-san was there and they’re making chocolates, then it would only lead to—

“Oi, oi. Hijikata-kun, why the hell are you here?” asked Gintoki, who was obviously annoyed by the current situation. “Did you get invited? I never remembered inviting someone like you! Or did you hear about what we’re doing here and you, the lonely guy, just wanted to join us? Oh, so you’re like that, huh?”

“Watch your mouth, you damn Yorozuya! We’re here to do work! We’re unlike you who only wanted to laze off!”

“What the hell do you mean by lazing off? I’m not lazing off! And as you can see, I’m doing my job! You damn tax robbers!”

Gritting his teeth in annoyance, Hijikata then scanned the area—only to find out that the Yorozuya freak was having a chocolate-making class.

“Oh? So the sugar freak in you decided to hold a chocolate-making session? Are you so desperate for chocolates now that you’re even holding a class just to get chocolate for Valentines?”

“Gaaaaah! That’s why I hate popular men like you! Shooo, shoooo! Someone like you who doesn’t even know the importance of sugar is bound to die by the gutter… Scram off! Shooo, shooooo!”

“What the hell do you mean by that, dammit! Are you making fun of me?! You’re making fun of me, aren’t you?! Well then, I’m going to show you how to make chocolates!”

Gintoki only smirked at this. “Oh really? Do you even know how to do it?”

“Heh, I’ll show you,” grunted Hijikata. He then took a piece of chocolate from his pocket and opened it. “I’ll show you how to eat a chocolate properly. First, all you need to do...” He then grabbed a small yellow bottle from his pocket and squeezed its contents on the chocolate. “…is to top it off with mayonnaise. Everything tastes good with mayonnaise—”

“I knew it!” screamed Shinpachi. “I just knew that this joke is going to be here! I just knew it!”

“Hijikata-san, putting mayonnaise on chocolates would degrade it into garbage,” Okita Sougo said as he smirked to himself. “Though I really don’t mind if someone like China eats that kind of shit. After all, I cannot fathom that a pig like her would even try to make Valentine chocolates.”

“What are you trying to imply there, you damn sadist?!” she exclaimed, glaring daggers at Sougo. “Are you trying to say that my chocolates are gonna be a failure?!”

“I just don’t know how you were able to interpret it that way, China.”

“Damn you..!”

And amidst all the chaos, no one noticed that another person entered the room on his own. His long, flowing locks of black hair carefully slumped on his back, he then stopped on his tracks and harrumphed in order to get the attention of everyone.

The said man was a long-haired pretty boy who had a serious look on his face. He wore a purple chef’s outfit that has a ‘P’ logo in it, and on his arm was a logo of a dragon with the Kanji for ‘super’.

“Attention, everyone. Starting today, I’ll be the one in charge here,” said the man as he tried to fix the pink hairband that he wore. “I’ll be the one in charge of the lessons in here. Using my solar hands, making chocolates would be a piece of—”

“Oi, Zura! Just what the hell are you doing here?! Why are you dressed like that? I don’t remember inviting you here!”

“It’s not Zura, it’s Mister Katsuura! Gintoki, as long as I wore these clothes I would be known by that name and—”

“Just by looking at Zura we know that he’s going to be sued for copyright infringement. He looks dumb with those clothes.”

“It’s not Zura, it’s Mister Katsuura! And Leader, we won’t be getting sued since Yakitate! Japan is also by Sunrise. And also, the only other series that I’ve parodied is Oishinbo and—”

“What do you mean by that, Katsura-san? Of course we’re going to be sued for copyright infringement!” exclaimed Shinpachi. “Just look at those clothes! They’re obviously a rip-off of Pantasia! And what the hell do you mean by solar hands?! And look at that logo! That’s the Super Chef logo from Chuuka Ichiban! That’s not from Sunrise at all!”

Katsura was flabbergasted upon hearing this. “Oh, but Mister Ajikko is from Sunrise—”

“So that’s where the name ‘Mister Katsuura’ came from! That’s old! The readers won’t be able to recognize that series anymore!”

“Excuse me, but do I know you? I have a feeling that I’ve met you before.”

Hearing that voice, Shinpachi looked around the area only to find Hijikata talking to no other than the wanted man, Katsura.

Katsura scoffed at this. “No, sir. I’m a Newtype. I just went from G to Wing to SEED and to 00.”

And right at that moment, Shinpachi realized just how dumb he was for not realizing that the Shinsengumi were still inside the room and thus, can see Katsura.

“Is that so?” said Hijikata, whom Shinpachi had labeled as an idiot for not realizing that the man they were looking for was right in front of him. “Well then, it’s nice to meet you.”

Hijikata then reached out his hand for a handshake, and Katsura did the same as well. However, as soon as he did that, his headband was caught on his hand and it fell on the ground.

Upon seeing this, Sougo brought out his bazooka and launched it.

“KATSUUUUUUUUUUUURAAAAAAAA!!!”

And as the three idiots left the room, everyone who was still inside heaved a sigh of relief. Grumbling to himself, Gintoki then placed his hands inside his pocket and looked at his students with those dead fish-like eyes of his.

“Okay then, now that the nuisances have scrammed off, let us continue our lesson.”

Much to Gintoki’s surprise, everything went well this time around. Everyone was concentrating on making their chocolates, and even though some weren’t that successful, it was still an improvement.

Smiling to himself, he then walked around the room in order to observe the chocolates being made by the girls. His smile got even bigger when he realized just how lucky he was since he’ll absolutely gonna receive a lot of choco with the way things are going right now. And he can’t be happier with it.

Right at that moment, Gintoki then noticed that there were a set of chocolates which was a whole level better than the chocolates made by the other girls. He then looked on who it was, only to find a blonde kunoichi right in front of him.

He leaned closer to the chocolates. “Oh, I didn’t expect you to be this good. These are quite the chocolates.”

Tsukuyo was silent and she only tore her gaze away from him. “I-It’s nothing. It’s just easy, that’s all.”

“Oh, I see. Well then, I’ll be looking forward to eating this tomorrow,” he replied, smiling at her. And as soon as Tsukuyo had seen this, she immediately became beet red from embarrassment and looked away.

“Gin-san… just what do you mean by that?”

Hearing that voice, Gintoki turned around only to find Shimura Tae behind him. He gulped in nervousness.

“O-Otae… what do you mean by that? Of course I’ll be receiving chocolate from you as well!”

Despite the fact that her menacing aura was permeating throughout the room, Otae continued on smiling at Gintoki. “I see. Well then Gin-san, I cannot wait for tomorrow anymore, so would you like to eat my chocolates?”

And with those words at hand, Otae flashed her chocolate that looked a lot like the infamous dark matter. She then tried to give it to Gintoki.

“Okay Gin-san, say aaaaaah~”

Gintoki gulped to himself. Sweat kept on trickling down his skin and shivers went down his spine. Every bit of his consciousness kept on telling him to avoid that concoction right in front of him, but his body didn’t even follow him as it froze in its position, obviously being scared of the Shimura woman’s wrath.

“Come on, Gin-san. Don’t be shy—”

“STOP THAT AT ONCE, YOU DAMN WOMAN!”

At that moment, Gintoki had never felt that thankful towards his purple-haired stalker. Her appearance was a life saver from Otae’s dark matter, indeed.

“Gin-san, forget about that woman’s chocolate! For you Gin-san, I’ll become your chocolate! I’ll be covering myself in chocolate and you’re free to eat me as long as you want!”

And as he tried to get away from the two women who kept on forcing to eat their chocolate (or herself, for the latter) he was then caught by Yagyuu Kyuubei by the neck.

“Gintoki, I really don’t mind giving you my chocolates, but make sure that you’ll eat Tae-chan’s chocolate first,” she said with a blank look on her face. She then leaned closer towards Gintoki’s ear as she whispered something to him.

‘If you want, we can trade. I can give you my chocolates in exchange for Tae-chan’s chocolates.’

‘WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! IN THE END YOU JUST WANT OTAE’S CHOCOLATES!’

“Kyuu-chan, good work with that,” said Otae as she inched herself closer towards the silver-haired samurai. “I want Gin-san to taste my chocolates first. After all, he’s the one who taught us… right, Gin-san?”

Gintoki gulped to himself. He cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. Is this the end?

“Gin-chan, you look like you’re enjoying yourself. I heard from Mami that all men get their hopes up during Valentines since they always get the delusion that they’re popular. So you wanna score with them, Gin-chan?”

As soon as Gintoki heard this from Kagura, he immediately looked at her and scowled.

“Oiiiiiiiii! It’s not like that at all! It’s Valentines tomorrow you see, I just wanna have chocolates! I don’t really care who it’s from and where it is bought, I don’t even need love with it—I just want my chocolates! I just want my sugar, dammit!”

And as soon as those words got out of his mouth, he then felt the menacing aura of the girls behind him.

“S-So that’s why Gintoki seemed enthusiastic about everything.. You’re that desperate, huh?” remarked Kyuubei, as she then called for Bichigusomaru in order to give him punishment.

“G-Gin-san!” exclaimed Otae, her hands covering her mouth. “So that’s the reason why you’re here in this class? So you really don’t care about anything as long as you get the chocolates?!”

Sacchan shook her head furiously in denial. “No, no, no! Please, say that’s not true, Gin-san! Surely, you look forward to my chocolates, right, Gin-san?!”

And when Gintoki met Tsukuyo’s gaze, she had only given him a disgusted look. She hadn’t said a word, but the kunai that found its way on his head was obviously a reply from her.

He then tried to think of why they’re like this, and he can only arrive at a single conclusion.

They were all furious, he’s certain of it.

He gulped to himself.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

**XOXOXOX**

The moon was shining brightly that night.

Such is the thought of a certain silver-haired man as he stared at the moon from his balcony. He kept on entertaining random thoughts in his head just to forget about the occasion that will happen the next day and yet here he was, staring at the sky and reminiscing about the failure of his supposed epic plan.

Tomorrow is Valentines, and his plan that was supposed to let him receive a lot of chocolates from the women he knew ended up with him receiving nothing. And even after the events earlier that day, he doubted he’ll ever receive something from them… though Valentines is still tomorrow, so there’s really no telling it.

He had a feeling that tomorrow’s going to be like any other day of the year though.

“It ended up as a failure, isn’t it?”

Hearing that voice behind him, Gintoki didn’t even look back as he knew that Shimura Shinpachi, his accomplice for the earlier events, was just behind him. He then smiled to himself as he stared at the night skies once again.

“Really now. It really ended up as a failure. Just as when I thought that this year would finally change how things are for us.”

Gintoki then sighed at this. He wanted to receive chocolates for Valentines, and thus, he concocted a plan. He even managed to make the old hag agree with it, despite the fact that he still owed her some rent. He thought that if he had that chocolate-making session, those girls would be obliged to give him giri chocolates and if it happens that they won’t even make the initiative, then all that he’s gotta do is to take the chocolates with the excuse of him ‘examining’ it.

After all, the only thing that mattered to him during Valentines was the chocolate. He needed sugar in order to survive, after all.

Even though… he ended up being backfired by his own plan.

“Gin-san, do you still want tomorrow to come?”

He sighed.

“No way, there’s no way I want tomorrow to come.” He then grumbled to himself, and leaned himself against the pane.

He then faced Shinpachi with a smirk.

“After all, unpopular guys like us hate Valentine’s Day.”

**XOXOXOX**

It was already past midnight in Yoshiwara and even though the streets were still lively even during the dead hours of the night, that certain fact isn’t important especially to a small stall named Hino-ya.

Everyone who lived at that house was asleep—except for one blonde woman at the kitchen, who kept on making chocolates secretly by herself.

Tsukuyo didn’t know what happened to her, but the only thing she knew was that she should continue on making chocolates for Valentine’s Day. She already finished all the giri choco that she was going to distribute for tomorrow… and there was only one chocolate that was left.

This chocolate, much to her surprise, was bigger and more exquisite than the rest of the chocolates. And she had spent a lot of time on it too, that one can tell at first glance that making that kind of chocolate took a lot of work.

She sighed to herself. What was she doing that she even made something like this? It’s not like there’s something special about that chocolate after all…

She then looked at the chocolate once again. It was a chocolate in the shape of strawberries, with melted red candies serving as its coloring. She didn’t know why it ended up like that, though the only thing on her mind when she did that was the fact that he liked sweet stuff… and he also liked strawberries. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t like strawberry milk, right?

She then leaned against the table and her hand traced the cover of the book that was presented to her by a woman at the stall earlier. That book was all about chocolates, and it really helped her a lot. She then made a mental note to herself to give the book back to the stall owner.

“Aaaah, what the hell am I doing?” she asked herself, sighing. “Why exactly am I doing this kind of thing?”

Brushing off the sweat from her forehead, she then sighed for the umpteenth time. However, never did she know that Hinowa was still awake at that time, as the latter took a peek at the kitchen and saw what she did.

Among the chocolates placed on the table, there was one chocolate that obviously looked like a honmei choco. And even though Tsukuyo herself might not recognize it as such, one glance from it is all that one ever needs in order to find out that fact.

She then smiled to herself.

Since she worked so hard on it, then she would have to do her part as well by asking that certain someone to assist her on distributing the chocolates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3DPD – stands for 3D Pig Disgusting. It’s a terminology from the depths of 4ch’s /a/ thread and it refers to the real-life girls. Don’t ask me why I’ve placed that term here, I don’t know it myself either.
> 
> Geta – Japanese wooden sandals
> 
> Kunoichi – a female ninja
> 
> Koshi Inaba – the vocalist of the two-man rock band, B’z. Anyway, I’m sure you guys know it already but Otae is a HUGE fan of B’z. Maybe Sorachi is a huge fan of this one as well? Remember Taiyou ga Komachi Angel and Bad Communication?
> 
> Ai no Mama ni Wagamama ni, Boku wa Kimi Dake wo Kizutsukenai (愛のままにわがままに 僕は君だけを傷つけない) – one of B’z most popular singles. Released on 1993. English Translation: Love is as selfish as it is, you’re the only one I would not hurt.
> 
> Mienai Chikara ~Invisible One~ / Move (ミエナイチカラ ~INVISIBLE ONE~／MOVE) – another B’z single. Released on 1996. I’m sure you know this already, but Mienai Chikara means Invisible Power.
> 
> Bad Communication – also one of B’z popular singles. You’ve heard about it during the Jugem arc, right? 
> 
> Recochoku Anime Character Survey: Anime Characters I Want to Give Chocolate – What, so you think this is all made up? This is true. Gintoki really topped this poll back in 2011 and 2012. He’s really popular you know, he even topped the Anime Characters I Want to Marry poll from the previous years! Look it up on ANN if you want proof!
> 
> “I received Valentine chocolates. Thanks for letting me fall into a delusion that old guys are popular too.” – This was really said by Sorachi. It’s his Jump ToC comment for Lesson 251. Look for it at Cinder’s post at Yorozuya Soul if you want proof! (Not the forums, but the main site! But go to the forums as well if you have time! *shot*)
> 
> Yakitate! Japan – A shounen manga that ran on Shounen Sunday and was also adapted into an anime by Sunrise. It is a series that focuses on Azuma Kazuma’s adventures in order to create “Japan”, a national bread for Japan itself. What Zura wore in this fic was no other than the uniform for the Southern Tokyo Branch store, and the pink headband that he wore was his (or my) attempt to cosplay Azuma.
> 
> Chuuka Ichiban – Also known as Cooking Master Boy, it is a shounen manga that ran on Shounen Magazine and was also adapted into an anime by Nippon Animation back in 1997. The story focuses on Liu Mao-Hsing as he strives to become the best chef he could ever be. The dragon logo with the Kanji “Super” on it that was on Zura’s arm is a logo of the Super Chef status from this series. And you know, Mao is the youngest Super Chef… *shot*
> 
> Oishinbo – is a very long-running cooking manga published by Shogakukan. (You should really know what Shogakukan, Shueisha and Kodansha are right now, really..) I won’t mention anything else, since Zura only mentioned the title and he didn’t parody it here or anything.
> 
> Mister Ajikko – a shounen manga that ran on Shounen Magazine and was also adapted into an anime by Sunrise in 1987. Well, it’s basically a cooking-battle series about a culinary prodigy named Ajiyoshi Youichi. And as said by Shinpachi in the fic, Zura’s “Mister Katsuura” nickname was a parody of the show’s title. And you already know why it’s Katsuura, right?
> 
> Newtype – one of Sorachi’s favorite Gundam jokes. A Newtype is theorized to be the next stage of human evolution in the fictional Gundam universe.
> 
> “I just went from G to Wing to SEED and to 00.” – Some of the popular Gundam series in chronological order. I’m sure you’ve already heard of G Gundam, Gundam Wing and Gundam Wing Endless Waltz, Gundam SEED and Gundam SEED Destiny, as well as Gundam 00, right?


	3. The Day of Judgment

Today is the day: it is Valentine’s Day.

Taking that certain fact to heart, Tsukuyo only tried to calm herself down by puffing out another round of smoke from her kiseru. She knew that she would only give out giri chocos to the people she knew, but she just felt so nervous. The fact that she hasn’t done something like that before only added to her burden.

And now, Hinowa was in front of her, smiling so brightly as always.

She sighed.

“Tsukuyo, are you now ready for the big day? I’m sorry if I can’t lend you a hand, I’ve also tried asking help from the other Hyakka but they declined my request—”

“I told them to do so, Hinowa,” she countered. “We don’t need to make them do unnecessary things. I can handle this by myself.”

Hinowa smiled at this, which made the blonde woman feel a bit cautious. “I know that you’d say that, so I took some measures.”

“What? Why did you do that?! I told you I can handle this alone just fine!”

“Now, now, don’t be too hasty, Tsukuyo. Let me see your chocolates first.”

Taken aback by this notion, the Courtesan of Death was left with no other choice but to comply. She then gave the paper bag full of different kinds of chocolates to the woman in front of her.

Hinowa examined each chocolate in glee. “Wow, you’ve certainly made them well. Good work, Tsukuyo.” Noticing a box of choco that was a lot larger and more special than any other chocolates in the bag, she then gave the latter a knowing smile. “This one is for Gin-san, isn’t it?” she asked, pointing out to the box of special choco on her hand.

Tsukuyo nodded. “Yeah, it is. What about it?”

“Why is it different from the rest?”

“Because he loves sweets, that’s why.”

“Is that enough of a reason?”

“Yeah.”

Hinowa’s smile grew even greater. “Really? But aren’t you giving out giri choco? No matter how I look at this one, this is not one of them. This one is… a hundred percent true and authentic… honmei choco.”

Tsukuyo was taken aback by this. “What?!” she demanded, confused. “What are you talking about, Hinowa?! This is no honmei choco, this is just a giri choco! Nothing more, nothing less!”

“But just look at this closely!” she pointed out, bringing out the chocolate near the Shinigami Dayuu’s face. “This is more exquisite than the other ones! No matter what you say, everyone will think of this as a honmei choco!”

“N-No way… w-what’s a honmei choco all about, anyway? Believe me, Hinowa… I didn’t even think of giving that bastard some honmei choco, ever!”

Hinowa’s smile never faltered, which worried the young woman. “Didn’t I tell you? Honmei choco are usually given by girls to the guys they like. So that must mean that you like Gin-san, right?”

“What?! No! I don’t even—”

“You do like him as a friend,” she countered, chuckling a bit. And as a result, Tsukuyo was unable to say anything.

“N-No, it’s not like that. . .”

“You see Tsukuyo, honmei choco means ‘true feelings chocolate’. It became a custom here in our country to give honmei chocos to the ones we have feelings for. We give honmei choco to our husbands, to our boyfriends, to the ones we have romantic feelings for… and some even use this as an opportunity to confess their feelings.”

Tsukuyo was speechless upon hearing this. She never expected that honmei chocos are like that. And if it’s indeed true that the chocolate she made for Gintoki looked like honmei choco, then he’d probably get the wrong idea—and such a thing is troublesome.

She entertained the idea of making another one for him, but that will only waste her time. She can also buy him another piece of chocolate, but that would seem unfair to him, given the fact that the rest of her chocolates were handmade. She also had no more money left. Thus, she can only come up with a single decision.

“If that’s so, then I won’t give him any chocolates.”

“Really? Are you really sure, Tsukuyo?” asked Hinowa, who seemed rather unfazed by what the former had said. She still smiled brightly as always, and the way she looked at her seemed to depict that she was scheming something. “But anyway, it all depends on you if you will give it or not. You need to get going now, right?”

And at that moment, footsteps were heard throughout the whole room. The shoji then slid open, revealing a silver-haired man who had just flicked the booger out of his nose.

“Since everyone’s so busy, I’ve asked someone to accompany you in distributing them. It’s okay if it’s him, right?”

Tsukuyo gulped the lump on her throat. She then looked at the man near the shoji, only to realize that the man she wanted to see the least was just right in front of her, staring at her with an annoyed expression.

“Oi, Hinowa. Just what do you mean that I’ll be accompanied by this guy? I’d rather go alone than go around the surface with him!”

Hinowa just smiled at her. “Now, now… easy, Tsukuyo. It’s not that bad, right? And besides, it’s not like he’s doing this without payment. He’s just doing his usual odd jobs.”

“That doesn’t mean that I need to go with him! If you’re going to hire someone, then you could have at least hired Kagura! She’s a Yorozuya as well!”

“Oi, oi, what do you mean by that, huh?!” exclaimed Gintoki, who now looked extremely annoyed. “What do you mean by hiring Kagura? Are you saying that I’m incompetent? Just so you know, if that brat’s with you then all your chocolates are going to vanish into her stomach! That’s just how vicious she can be!”

“Shut up, you permed bastard! I won’t be giving chocolates around town with you around!”

“Huh?! Just what the hell do you mean by that? Of course I won’t go around the town with you around! Why the hell would I do that?!” he replied, grumbling to himself afterwards. “Aaaah, dammit! I’m outta here! Hinowa-san, I’m sorry but I have to decline your offer. See ya.”

Gintoki was about to start walking away when Hinowa stopped him. “Gin-san, wait a sec!” she exclaimed. “Don’t go just yet! You still haven’t heard what I’m gonna say!”

He just rolled his eyes and pointed out to the bag of chocolates held by the blonde woman in front of him. “I bet it’s something like accompanying her to distribute those chocolates, isn’t it? I’m right, aren’t I? Don’t underestimate me! You know, Gin-san knows exactly what’s going on your minds! Gin-san has ESP! Gin-san is an esper—”

“And you’re an idiot,” scoffed Tsukuyo.

“…And Gin-san is an idi— OIIIIIII! Why did you do that?!”

Tsukuyo just smoked for a little bit. “It’s not my fault that you fell for that.”

Feeling too lazy to argue with her, he just grumbled to himself and leaned against the wall with his hands crossed on his chest. “Anyway, I’m not going. I’m not doing that stupid thing. I still haven’t forgotten what that woman did to me after all my efforts on teaching her how to make chocolates yesterday!” he exclaimed, pointing out to Tsukuyo.

“You deserved it,” said the aforementioned woman, brushing his comment off. “And don’t worry about today’s job. I can handle it just fine.”

“What did you say?!”

“What?!”

“Stop that, the both of you!” hushed Hinowa, who now decided to intercept between them. She then turned to Gintoki and faced him with a smile. “Gin-san, I know that this is sudden but is it okay for you to accompany Tsukuyo on handing out the chocolates? She doesn’t know much about the surface, so it’s best for her to have someone around.”

“I told you I ain’t taking the job. It’s too troublesome,” reminded Gintoki.

“I know. But… are you still going to refuse if you have this?”

And with that statement, Gintoki looked at the piece of paper on Hinowa’s hands. Examining it from every angle, he can only gulp the huge lump on his throat as he realized that what she has on her hands was no other than a VIP coupon for the best club in whole Yoshiwara.

“This is the Valentine edition coupon for this shop. If you go with Tsukuyo, I won’t only pay you—I’ll also give you this ticket for free. How does that sound?”

Gintoki tried to weigh his options. He can decline her request and end up being lonely this Valentines, or he can accompany Tsukuyo and get that exclusive ticket for free. No matter how he looked at it, the odds were in favor with him.

Screw the fact that Tsukuyo and all the other girls had beaten him up to death yesterday; he’s going to get a lot of chocolates for himself today!

He then faced Tsukuyo with a knowing look, which confused her greatly. “Well then, it’s getting late now so we need to get going. Let’s go.”

“What? Oi, aren’t you opposed to the idea? Do you mean you’re going to accept it just because of that?!”

“So what if I do? That’s something only men like me could understand. . . Something like that is my ultimate oasis in this desert called life!”

Tsukuyo sighed. “Man, you’re hopeless. Alright, since both you and Hinowa really do insist, then I guess I have no more choices left, huh?”

**XOXOXOX**

Gintoki tried his hardest to control himself. He knew that he should behave himself and do what he was told, but seeing the target of his affections just right in front of him frustrated him greatly. It was just right there… and yet it was out of his reach.

And he did not like it one bit.

He and Tsukuyo went all over Kabuki-chou in order to give giri choco that was supposed to be from Yoshiwara. And just as expected, he became somewhat of a tour guide for the Shinigami Dayuu, who was unfamiliar with most of the areas in the surface. And even though something like that isn’t hard for him, what she’s doing is a complete torture for him.

Sakata Gintoki lived for sweets. He’ll definitely sacrifice anything just to get his daily sugar intake, and he’s willing to bet everything just for the sake of his sweets. And despite the fact that he agreed not to do anything in order to get the coupon that will enable him to splurge onto heaven for tonight, seeing his beloved chocolates being given to the people who do not even have the same love for it as he did frustrated him greatly.

And with that thought in mind, as he and Tsukuyo were walking towards the Yagyuu mansion after giving a piece of chocolate to Seita, he asked her one simple question:

“Oi, where’s my chocolate?”

It was one simple question, and he expected her to reply in the same manner as she did whenever he asked her. However, she reacted rather… different, in his opinion. As soon as he asked her about that, she suddenly acted so flustered and panicky that even he had a hard time deciphering her actions. But even with all the awkwardness that she kept on doing, it all came down to this:

“You won’t receive one. Consider that as punishment for what you did yesterday.”

And she said that with a straight face, her expression devoid of any hint of awkwardness which she had displayed just a while ago. Unsatisfied with her answer, he kept on asking her the same question again and again, but to no avail. Tsukuyo kept on coming with the same reply, and from the looks of it, there’s a good chance that he’ll never get any chocolates from her.

And he hated it.

He needed to control himself, he told himself over and over, but his willpower wasn’t enough for the temptress in the form of chocolates that kept on flaunting itself in front of him. That sweet aroma, that delectable texture, that soothing aura—those chocolates inside that paper bag were definitely of high quality, and feelings akin to jealousy and envy were swirling deep inside of him at the thought of those guys eating her chocolates and savoring it in sheer delight… while he, on the other hand, just stood there in the corner, content on watching them eat the chocolates that was supposed to be for him.

He kept on cursing to himself.

Dammit! My plan was perfect! It should’ve gone smoothly if they haven’t found out about it! Aaaaah, this is so frustrating! I need to have my chocolates and yet here I am, assisting this woman while she gave out giri choco! Aaaaaaaaaah, dammit!

He brought his hand onto his head and ruffled his silver hair, as he continued on thinking about the matter at hand.

_Think… think.. think! Gintoki, you’re a grown up now so you better behave as one! You can always get some chocolate anytime, but something like that offer comes only once in a blue moon, especially for a penniless guy like you! Aaaaaaah, dammit! Special service or chocolates, which one should I choose?!_

_Aaargh, damn it! It’s so hard to choose! I can’t part from either of the two!_

“Oi, Tsukuyo. . . Aren’t you being too harsh on me? Why aren’t you giving me any chocolate? I am the one who saved Yoshiwara, you know! I’m the one who taught you how to make chocolates! Shouldn’t you give something like that to me as well?!”

Tsukuyo just glared daggers at him. “No. No way in hell.”

“What did you say?!”

He did not receive any reply from her, much to his chagrin. His already deep scowl only became even deeper.

He kept on asking her relentlessly, and she gave the same reply relentlessly as well. Thus, he had no other choice but to relent to her wishes and observe as she gave out chocolates to every guy he knows… except himself.

Those small chocolate hearts reached the hands of all the folks in the Yagyuu estate, courtesy of Toujou Ayumu. They even went to Edo Castle and gave the Shogun, Tokugawa Shigeshige, a chocolate as well via his sister, Soyo. And since they’re at the castle anyway, chocolates were also handed to the Mimawarigumi Commander, Sasaki Isaburo though he seemed to dislike it for it didn’t look elite enough for his tastes.

Chocolates also reached the hands of the escorts in Takamahagara, as well as the okamas such as Saigou and Agomi. The latter were kinda reluctant to receive those though, since they believe that they are the ones who should give Valentine chocolates. And in turn, Gintoki himself received his very first Valentine chocolate: those ones that were given by the okama.

Tsukuyo snickered at him for this. Gintoki, on the other hand, shoved the chocolates onto the okama’s mouth, telling them that he’d rather receive chocolates from ugly girls than men.

“That’s a waste. Aren’t you asking for chocolates? They’ve given you what you wanted, why didn’t you accept it?” taunted Tsukuyo. He only glared at her in spite.

“You bitch…” he trailed off, gritting his teeth. “I’d rather not receive any chocolates than to eat something as hideous as that!”

Much to his surprise, that bastard of a robot named Sakata Kintoki received a chocolate as well, even though he was still under maintenance by Hiiraga Gengai. And of course, the latter was given a chocolate as well. Exhausted, they then took a stop at a nearby convenience store and when he was looking for the latest issue of Jump (it was Wednesday after all), he then crossed paths with Hattori Zenzou, who was also given a chocolate. Tsukuyo then added that Hinowa had told her to tell the ninja that he should come back to Yoshiwara again and she’ll even give him some service by the means of The Fugly Club.

They then walked on for some more, and they reached the park where the MADAO, Hasegawa Taizou, was staying. Both he and the Musashi-like person who was revealed to be Nishiki Matsugorou received chocolates as well, and both were overjoyed at the fact that they have something that they can finally eat. They also met Katsura Kotarou (It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura!) along the way and both he and Elizabeth were given chocolates, despite the fact that the latter’s true gender is still questionable. A chocolate was also sent via mail to Sakamoto Tatsuma, and Gintoki wondered why Yoshiwara would even bother giving him something like that since they’ve never met or anything. However, what surprised him the most was the fact that Tsukuyo had also sent chocolates via mail to folks at the Kiheitai, the Harusame and even the Tendoushuu.

Of course, no address was written on the mail for the three latter groups, and yet Tsukuyo believed that it would be delivered to them if they’ve just written the group’s name on the envelope. Much to his surprise, she had also sent chocolates addressed to Hata (Baka) Ouji and Jii, Taka-tin, Hedoro and almost all the oneshot characters that they have in Gintama in one way or another.

“Oi… Why are you even going out of your way to give them chocolates? Yoshiwara didn’t have anything to do with them right?”

Tsukuyo just looked at him as if he had just asked the most stupid question on Earth. “Are you serious? I didn’t expect that you don’t know anything about that. You see, Hinowa got a message from the gorilla mangaka to give out chocolates to every single one of the male cast that ever appeared in the series. I’m surprised that you can’t even guess that kind of thing, Gintoki.”

“How the hell would I ever guess that kind of thing?! And what did you say? That gorilla mangaka told Hinowa something about that?! What the hell is with that?!”

And despite his tsukkomi that would absolutely make Shinpachi proud, Tsukuyo just continued on walking until they’ve somehow ended up meeting the said plain guy of the Yorozuya.

“G-Gin-san… Tsukuyo-san… why are the two of you together?” he asked in disbelief.

“Just some job given by Yoshiwara,” answered Gintoki. “And please rephrase your question. It just doesn’t sound right.”

“Gintoki’s right, Shinpachi,” said Tsukuyo as she took a puff of smoke out of her kiseru. She then took a box of chocolate out of the paper bag on her hands and gave it to the young teenager. And as soon as she did that, the boy had an indescribable expression on his face which he later explained to be an expression of extreme joy and delight—since that was the first time ever for that day that he had received chocolates.

And as they’ve left the cherry boy straightman of the Yorozuya, they then continued on walking through the streets and as they kept on walking, a small box fell out of the paper bag and ended up lying on the ground. This was unnoticed by the blonde woman in front of him, and a sudden idea flashed through the silver-haired samurai’s mind.

The bag that Tsukuyo was holding was full of chocolates. And since the small box on the ground fell from that paper bag, then that only meant that the box was a Valentine chocolate as well. However, what he noticed was that the box on the ground was far different from the rest—that box was bigger and fancier, and it looked more extravagant as compared to the rest of the chocolates.

He smirked to himself.

_Heh. If I were to think of this logically, no one could ever receive this kind of chocolate except for me, right? After all, I’m the main character! And if we’re talking about Yoshiwara, then it also suits me since I’m the renowned Yoshiwara’s savior!_

He then looked at the girl in front of him who was still walking forward, with no idea of his discovery.

_Heheheheh. You claim that you won’t give me anything, but you’re just playing hard-to-get eh? Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you won’t be embarrassed about this since I’ll take this chocolate now. . ._

And with that thought in mind, Gintoki then tried to sneak out the chocolate behind her back… and as he ran as fast as he could away from her sight, Tsukuyo then noticed this and chased him as fast as she could.

“Oiiiiiii, Gintoki! What the hell do you think you’re doing?! Come back here!”

Gintoki thought that he would get away from her successfully. However, right when the streets reached a turn, he just went straight ahead and crashed to a wall, dropping the box of chocolates onto the ground. A group of kunais also made its way against the wall, pinning him and rendering him completely defenseless.

“Damn you…” he trailed off as he wiped off the blood that trickled on his face. “You’ll pay for this, dammit… Why did you do that?! I’m just taking something that’s supposed to be mine!”

Tsukuyo became flustered once again, much to his confusion. “F-Fool! Didn’t I tell you that you won’t receive any chocolates? This isn’t for you!”

“If it isn’t for me then who the hell is it for?! Don’t tell me you’re going to give it to the Shinsengumi!”

“I won’t! It’s not for them! And it’s not for you either! Just shut up and do your job!”

Grumbling to himself, he then realized that arguing with her about this matter was useless. And thus, as he heaved a deep sigh, he then led the way towards the Shinsengumi Headquarters, their supposed last stop for the day.

_Damn it.. Why is she like that?! I just wanted to receive chocolates like the rest of them. Isn’t she being unfair? I mean, I’ve accompanied her and all, but she won’t even give me even a single piece of giri choco?_

And as they’ve reached the Shinsengumi Headquarters, the both of them had reached an unspoken consensus that they’ll just place the chocolates for Okita Sougo, Hijikata Toushirou, Yamazaki Sagaru and Kondou Isao on the mailbox. And as she did that, Gintoki had another sudden flash of inspiration.

He was extremely irritated right now, and such words would be an understatement. Not only did the Shingami Dayuu torture him on the day which was supposed to be a day which he truly enjoyed, she did not even bother on giving him any chocolates. On the other hand, those Shinsengumi bastards who did nothing for Yoshiwara got a plenty. It is really unfair, and no matter how he looked at it, he really got the short end of the stick.

It would be for the best if no one received chocolates at all. That way, everyone would be as miserable as him. Ah, if he can only take those chocolates for himself. . .

And as he thought of that same fact, he then realized the simplest thing that he should do.

He should just take those chocolates for himself. Plain and simple, bright as day.

And thus, when Tsukuyo told him to get going as she had finished placing the choco on the mailbox, he then sneaked out the chocolates and ran away as fast as he could once again.

This time though, the one who chased him was not Tsukuyo—it was no other than the gorilla commander of the Shinsengumi, Kondou Isao.

“YOROZUYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! GIVE ME BACK MY CHOCOLATE! THOSE ARE THE CHOCOLATES THAT OTAE-SAN HAD GIVEN TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!”

“SHUT UP, YOU DAMNED GORILLA! THIS AIN’T YOURS, IT’S MINE! IT’S MY CHOCOLATE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!”

“NO, YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD SHUT UP! YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS THAT YOU HAVEN’T RECEIVED ANY VALENTINE CHOCOLATES!”

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY?! DAMN YOU, YOU’VE JUST HIT MY SORE SPOT! I’M GONNA FRIGGIN’ KILL YA, YOU DAMN GORILLA BASTARD!”

But before they can even finish their argument, a kunai had made its way onto their heads, knocking out the both of them in the process.

Puffing out the smoke out of her lips, Tsukuyo then let out a sigh.

“You bastards…”

**XOXOXOX**

It was already late in the afternoon, and both Gintoki and Tsukuyo had just finished distributing all the chocolates that they were supposed to give. And even though there have been a lot of attempts to take the chocolate by the former, it still ended up being fruitless and none of the chocolates were left.

Tsukuyo looked at Gintoki at the corner of her eye. He looked like a spoiled little brat who was sulking and so mad for not being able to take what he wanted… and seeing him in such a state made her giggle, though a part of her wanted to tease him more to see if he could actually tolerate it.

She could feel that Gintoki was really frustrated for not being able to receive any chocolate for that day, while everyone he knew received one, including those people who haven’t gotten any screentime at all. And since she knew that he was an extreme sugar lover, she can guess just how much envious he is of everyone right now. She can’t really blame him for acting like what he did earlier.

But it’s not like he doesn’t have any chocolate at all. On the contrary, he was the one with the best and most special chocolate that she had ever made. Even so, she could not muster the courage to give it to him. She was nervous.

And as Gintoki stopped on his tracks as they’ve already arrived in front of the gates of Yoshiwara, Tsukuyo breathed in deeply and tried to call his attention.

“Gintoki. . . I, uh. . .”

He only looked at her with his dead fish eyes. “What? You finally decided on giving me some chocolate?”

And at those words, Tsukuyo remembered what Hinowa had just said to her earlier: that what she did looked like honmei choco, and that giving out honmei chocos would mean that one is romantically interested or romantically involved with the guy.

As such, thoughts of her giving the chocolate to Gintoki were left in vain.

“Uh.. thanks for accompanying me for today. I really appreciate it.”

Gintoki didn’t say a thing. He just smirked to himself for a bit and walked off, raising his hands in farewell.

Thus, with that moment, the afternoon passed quietly with Tsukuyo not giving anything to Gintoki, and with Gintoki not receiving any chocolate from any girl he knew.

**XOXOXOX**

“Gin-san, why are you still here? Aren’t you going home?”

The said man, despite being told to go home, did not even budge a bit from his seat. He still sat atop a cold bench in a small, abandoned park in the suburbs of Edo, as he continued on watching the night skies in melancholy.

“Hasegawa-san, I’m not really in the mood to go home right now. So for now, let me borrow this bench for a while and let me drown in my sorrows.”

The MADAO just looked at him in confusion. “But Gin-san, didn’t you say that you’ve received a coupon to Yoshiwara? Aren’t you going to claim it?”

Gintoki let out a sigh. “Didn’t I tell you? I’m not in the mood. And besides, I can always change the date on that coupon. That coupon is good for a week.”

Seeing that nothing would make him change his mind, Hasegawa was left with no choice but to just sit on the other side of the bench. Noticing this, Gintoki then looked at the man beside him.

“Hasegawa-san, did you receive any chocolates today?”

“Eh?! Why did you ask that?” replied Hasegawa, who was acting all fidgety and embarrassed. “Well, aside from the chocolates that you and your woman had given me, I also received one from the other homeless girls… and of course, Hatsu also gave me—”

“Ah, alright, alright. I get it. Sorry if I asked,” cut off Gintoki, as he even became more irritated at the fact that the MADAO had received a lot more chocolates than him. He was even pondering on the fact that he shouldn’t have rejected the chocolates that the okamas had given him. That way, he would at least have some chocolate.

Staying here any longer would just make him more depressed since there’s a good chance that the Musashi-like person received chocolates too. And since he doesn’t want to know anything about that, he decided to go home, even though he’ll be facing Shinpachi who obviously got some chocolate for Valentines.

He sighed as he stood up the bench, and looked at the Madao behind him. “Well then, I’m off now. See ya.”

And after bidding farewell, he then resumed on walking throughout the cold streets of Kabuki-chou.

He didn’t know what time it was, but he guessed that it was about seven o’clock in the evening now. It was still early than usual, but it’s better than to stay there on the streets, looking at couples who were acting all lovey-dovey at the fact that it’s Valentine’s Day today. All the establishments were fully-booked as well; he can see couples acting like lovesick teenagers as they went on to love hotels, and all the people that passed through him were either couples or guys who carry a lot of chocolates. Realizing the fact that he was the only one who was alone and obviously lonely that night, he became even more depressed and his desire to go home only increased even further. At least, once he reaches home, he can sulk in his room and sleep the night away.

And thus, as he kept on trudging through the cold and lonely streets of Kabuki-chou,he then saw a faint silhouette of a woman who was standing near his house. Curious about it, Gintoki then went closer to it, only to find Shimura Tae right in front of him.

“O-Otae… What are you doing here? Don’t you have work to do?”

Tae just smiled at him. She then reached out her hand to him, presenting him a small pink box on her hands.

Gintoki gulped. _I-Is that. . . a Valentine chocolate? Is that really a Valentine chocolate..?_

_IS THAT REALLY A VALENTINE CHOCOLATE?!?!_

Telling himself that he shouldn’t assume things, he then asked her, “What is this?”

“Oh my, Gin-san, are you that slow? It’s obviously your Valentine chocolates.”

Tears threatened to fall from his eyes. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was ridiculously happy right now. He thought that he’ll spend the whole day without receiving anything for Valentines, but it seems that he was wrong. He finally had a Valentine chocolate. He finally had one!

“B-But… didn’t you say that you won’t give me one? I didn’t expect this one at all.”

“That’s just how it is,” she answered with a smile. “Isn’t that how surprises work? What, don’t you want it?”

“N-No, it’s not like that at all! I want it! I seriously want it! Thank you very much!”

Overwhelmed with joy, Gintoki reached out to the small box of chocolate with trembling hands. And as soon as the box of chocolates reached his possession, Tae flashed him one of her sweetest smiles once more, and he just couldn’t help but to smile back.

“Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

Her smile never faltered. “You’re welcome. And oh, by the way, inside the box are two chocolates: one is a homemade, the other is a store-bought one. Enjoy.”

Ignoring the last part of her sentence, he then bid farewell and he proceeded to continue on his way home. And as he reached the flight of stairs, he then saw that Yagyuu Kyuubei was right there, standing at the corner.

“Oi, Kyuubei, what are you doing here?”

Kyuubei looked up as soon as she heard his voice. She then brought out a small box and shoved it right to his face, hitting his nose in the process.

“O-Ouch! What the hell is that for, huh?! What are you trying to do?!”

“Valentine chocolates. I’m giving it to you.”

And as soon as those words left the young Yagyuu’s lips, Gintoki was left speechless. “O-Oi… are you serious? You’re really giving me Valentine chocolates?”

Kyuubei only nodded with a straight face. “Yeah. However, you have to give me something in return.”

Gintoki’s expression faltered a bit. Of course she’ll be giving it with compensation in return. That’s just how the world goes.

“W-What do you want in return then?” he finally asked.

“I want you to give me Tae-chan’s homemade chocolates,” she demanded with a serious look. “If you don’t agree with it, then I have no choice but to kill you.”

Gintoki smirked at this. “I agree with it then. You don’t have to tell me twice,” he replied, leaving out the part that the said condition was actually favorable, since he didn’t have to eat Tae’s terrible dark matter. Good thing that she had given him two pieces of chocolate!

And as he did what he was told and bid farewell to the young Yagyuu, he then went up and slid the shoji open. It was quite late now, and as expected, Kagura was already asleep on his closet. However, he noticed that a box of chocolate addressed to ‘Gin-chan’ was also placed on the table.

He smiled at this.

“I guess I have to thank you too, Kagura-chan,” he mumbled to himself as he opened the door to his room. And as he switched on the lights, what greeted him was the sight of a woman covered in chocolate. The said woman then threw her arms around him as soon as she saw him, but he just swatted it off. This turned on the woman even more.

“Oi, you damn bitch. What are you doing here?!” he growled, irritated at the fact that his room was all dirty now.

“Gin-san, your chocolate is now here! I am Sarutobi Ayame, a high-class exquisite kind of life-sized chocolates that you can eat all night! You may also call me Sacchan~”

And as soon as she said that, Sacchan then tried to bring her chocolate-covered body to him but he kept on dodging it. Irritated, he then pushed her to the corner.

“Oi! Just what the hell are you doing?! Are you trying to ruin my day?!”

Sacchan just shrugged it off and continued on her one person play. And in the middle of her fantasies, she then gave Gintoki a small box of chocolate.

He was taken aback by this. “W-What is this?”

“A true honmei chocolate, obviously! Gin-san, that’s only an appetizer! Your real honmei choco is me! Now, eat me, Gin-san! EAT ME~!”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Gintoki tied her up, much to her delight. He then threw her outside the window, but before he did that, he thanked her first for the chocolates.

He sighed. Now that the nuisance is finally gone, he can now get his good night’s sleep. He won’t even sulk today, since despite how shitty that day was earlier, he still received chocolates from them. And that’s enough for him.

He still felt bitter that Tsukuyo didn’t give him one though.

Reaching out for a change of clothes, the telephone rang, making him stop on his tracks. Answering it hastily, he was then surprised to find the Shinigami Dayuu on the other line, asking him to meet up with her tonight.

**XOXOXOX**

Gintoki didn’t know the reason why she asked him to meet up at the bridge, though he had a pretty good idea why they’ll meet up. She probably decided to beat around the bush and give him the chocolates that were long overdue, and due to that fact, he can only smirk to himself at the thought.

And so as soon as he reached the bridge, he then saw the blonde young woman standing right in front of him.

He then raised his hand in greeting. “Yo. You’ll be giving me my chocolate now, aren’t you?”

He expected her to act all fidgety and embarrassed just like what she did earlier, but this time, she only gave him the box of chocolate straightforwardly, her eyes full of resolve, despite the fact that she was trembling all over out of embarrassment.

“I-I’m sorry if I didn’t give you anything earlier. I… well, I just didn’t have the courage to give it to you before, so—”

Much to her surprise, he then reached out to the box of chocolates and brought it closer to his face, examining it closely. He then smirked to himself. “Heh, isn’t this the one that fell out of that bag earlier? I’m right then! This one is for me!”

Tsukuyo then took a smoke in order to calm herself down. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”

Gintoki took a good look at the box of chocolate in front of him. He knew that it looked good at first glance, but finally seeing it right in his hands just seemed to make it even more exquisite. Taking a huge gulp, he untied the ribbon and opened the box, and the sight of the chocolate greeted him.

He tried his hardest to control himself from wolfing down the chocolate right at that moment. It looked so good and delicious at the same time that he wanted to eat it immediately, and yet he didn’t want to touch it since it seemed that it would be waste, since it looked like a lot of effort was put into it. The chocolate was placed in a strawberry-shaped mold, and there were even melted candies on it. The words “Happy Valentine’s Day” was written on it, and it was artistically and carefully designed that he actually had a hard time accepting the fact that the Shinigami Dayuu was actually the one who created this.

“A-Are you sure you’re the one who made this?” he asked, which earned him a slight nod. Taking that fact to heart, he became even more embarrassed at this. And thus, he then took a bite out of it to hide his embarrassment, but it seemed to have a different effect. “T-This is really good. I didn’t expect you to be this good. Thanks.”

Since she didn’t reply, he then looked at her and noticed that she was really flushed and embarrassed right now, but she just held it in as she continued on clenching her trembling hand. Taking a deep breath, she then looked up at him and their eyes met.

“So… what kind of chocolate would this be?” he suddenly asked her, which made her even more flustered.

Gintoki didn’t know why he asked that kind of question. Normally, he wouldn’t ask that kind of thing and he wouldn’t even care about such a thing, but somehow those words just came out of his mouth without further notice.

However, what she said in reply surprised him greatly.

“T-That’s… that’s a honmei choco.”

And she said that with her cheeks flushed, her already tight grip on the side of her clothes becoming even more tighter than before. Completely taken aback by this, Gintoki tried to think of words that he can use a reply, but nothing seemed to appear on his head at that time.

“D-Don’t get the wrong idea though. It’s not what you think it is. It’s just that… Yoshiwara is truly grateful to you. That chocolate… represents the true feelings of Yoshiwara. . .”

Upon hearing this, Gintoki gave out a slight chuckle, which irked the young woman beside him.

“W-What?! Why did you just laugh? Is it bad?”

“No, no, it’s not like that,” he said, smirking a bit. He then leaned against the bridge’s railings and looked at the night skies, all content on how his day turned out.

“Honmei choco, huh?”

He smiled.

“Well, if it’s like this, then I wouldn’t mind another one next Valentines.”


End file.
